


won't be alone again

by demistories



Series: so what's one more? [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Misunderstandings, Pining, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 02:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15233331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demistories/pseuds/demistories
Summary: Alana’s soulmate loves to sing.As far as she knows, they’ve always loved to sing. For as long as she can remember, there’s been an almost constant song in her head. It happens daily, but usually it’s more often than that. It’s rarely a full song, just choruses or random lyrics. Sometimes, they’ll get stuck on one part of a song and it’ll just be that, over and over and over again.the one where whenever you get a song stuck in your head, it’s because your soulmate is singing it





	won't be alone again

**Author's Note:**

> hoo boy
> 
> so 15 yrs ago i asked for soulmate prompts. i have been Hoarding them. this is the only one done for now, but another is closed to finished and i have a lot of fun doing them! they WERE gonna be short but then i write this one and that went out the window
> 
> title from sick of losing soulmates by dodie clark, see end note for song list!
> 
> enjoy!

Alana’s soulmate loves to sing.

As far as she knows, they’ve always loved to sing. For as long as she can remember, there’s been an almost constant song in her head. It happens daily, but usually it’s more often than that. It’s rarely a full song, just choruses or random lyrics. Sometimes, they’ll get stuck on one part of a song and it’ll just be that, over and over and over again.

Despite her soulmate’s inherent love for all music, Alana is more partial. She likes classical music the most because it helps her focus and she’s not much of a singer herself. She’s not tone deaf but she’s also certainly not her soulmate.

Her soulmate’s voice is beautiful. It’s calming and gentle and sometimes it’ll appear in Alana’s head when she needs it most— when she’s stressing out and overworking and can’t stop her thoughts from spiraling through what she needs to do as she makes list after list in an attempt to regain control. Her soulmate will start singing and Alana will sit back and close her eyes. And for a few minutes, she’ll just listen to her soulmate. And when the song ends, things are easier.

It’s not like Alana thinks her soulmate can tell when something is wrong, that’s not how soulmates work. They can’t see inside your head or hear your thoughts or feel your emotions. All they can do is sing to you.

Alana thinks that’s enough.

 

* * *

Sometimes Alana wonders if her soulmate worries about her. She knows other people sing every few days just to remind their soulmate they’re still there.

Alana doesn’t.

She considers it, heavily, but for some reason it just feels awkward. It doesn’t sit right when it doesn’t come naturally. And Alana isn’t musical so it never feels natural. When it feels right, she’ll sing. Otherwise, she stays quiet.

At the moment, that means singing along with her little sister as they watch Moana for the thirteenth time in the past week. It’s summer vacation and all Theo wants to do is watch Moana.

Alana hopes her soulmate doesn’t hate How Far I’ll Go.

(It’s a relief when Theo decides her next obsession is The Little Mermaid. At least there are new songs to sing as Theo dances around the room and jumps off furniture.)

* * *

There have been a few times in Alana’s life where her soulmate went completely silent for a few days.

There was one time when Alana was thirteen, when there was a day and a half between songs.

In the middle of her junior year, there was a full three days of quiet.

Quiet days are hard. They’re scary. The first time it happened, Alana had turned to research. She’d spent hours googling about soulmates, what it meant when they went quiet.

She already knew the answer.

The thing is, three days isn’t that short of a time. Alana is lucky — or unlucky maybe, but most of the time she considers herself lucky — to have a soulmate that sings so often. Most people’s don’t. So having hers gone is nerve wracking.

So many people don’t meet their soulmate. Alana doesn’t want to be one of them.

* * *

Her soulmate is singing a song by Walk the Moon. Alana knows because she searched the lyrics. She does that a lot. Her soulmate has an extensive taste in music. If she’s unable to grab her phone or a computer, she’ll scribble lyrics down on whatever surface she can find. Her notebook, worksheets, the margins of her books, her arm—

“ _I’m tangling up in the chains on the swings on the set, on the night that we met—_ ”

Alana loves her soulmates voice. They’re a soprano, she thinks, she doesn’t know much about music, and they seem to love singing. Obvious, given how often they sing, but they just seem passionate. Alana loves hearing their voice in her mind, even if the timing is inconvenient. Alana has a notebook filled with songs her soulmate has sung; she’s listened to some of them enough times to have them memorized, either on her own or because they were singing them.

Sometimes, Alana will notice that her soulmate is harmonizing and it’ll bring a smile to her face.

Her favorite songs are the ones with no words. She’ll hear random humming throughout the day, sometimes pop songs but usually not. Occasionally, miraculously, Alana will recognize one. Usually a classical piece from one of her study playlists.

It makes Alana feel like they’re closer than they are.

 

* * *

It’s been five days.

It’s wearing Alana thin.

Her soulmate had been there. Everything had been the same. And then they were gone.

She told herself it was fine, it’s happened before, they’ll come back eventually. But it’s unnerving. And she’s scared. Alana Beck doesn’t like showing weakness to anyone, but she’s scared. One of her few constants is gone and she doesn’t know what to do.

She has so much she should be doing.

She has homework. She has college applications. Volunteer hours. Student council posters. Events to organize, emails to write, lists to make, piles of books to read— she has so much to do and she’s sitting on the edge of her bed, clutching a notebook in her hands.

It was the first one she started writing down songs in. She has two others — her soulmate sang so much, her soulmate _sings_ so much — but this is the first. Over ten years old and starting to fall apart a little from all the times Alana’s flipped through it.

She started crying earlier. She doesn’t like crying. She doesn’t like the lack of control or how it makes her nose all stuffy and how she always has to clean her glasses after she cries. But she got home from school and it was another day without any music from her soulmate and it _hurts_ to listen to music with her soulmate gone. Not physically, not really, but it makes the loss feel even greater.

She was tired and stressed and _scared_. And she had closed the door and heard music coming from the living room where Theo was watching something with their mom and then Alana couldn’t stop the tears.

She couldn’t explain it to her mom — not yet, not yet, saying the words out loud makes it real — she’d just said she didn’t feel good. Theo gave her her stuffed Piglet that she never went to sleep without and promised he would make Alana feel better.

He’s sitting on Alana’s desk so she can return him to Theo before dinner. Alana’s stopped crying, but she feels empty and tired and sad.

She misses her soulmate. She’s always wanted to get to know them beyond the music in her head. And now they might—

Alana gets up and grabs her headphones and phone. She puts in her headphones and plays a song a few times. It leaves her feeling empty and broken, but she knows the song well. Her soulmate sang it a lot one weekend, in the awkward jumping way that indicated that they had it stuck in their head but weren’t committed to the whole song yet.

Alana starts the song over and starts singing softly. She turns the music up louder so she can’t hear her own voice. Because then it feels less awkward and less like she’s forcing it. Because then she can’t hear her own mistakes.

She’s trying to reach out. She’s desperate for a response.

“ _Tell me everything that happened, tell me everything you saw—_ “

* * *

“ _Once there was a way—_ “

Alana sits up so fast she almost falls out of her chair. Her mom gives her a concerned look and Alana shakes her head and says, “Sorry I just remembered something I have to do,” before pushing out of her chair and running to her room. She grabs a packet of sticky notes as her soulmate sings.

They’re singing softer today. Not that Alana can really understand volume inside her own head, but there’s something about _how_ they’re singing. They seem sad. The words feel almost empty.

Alana’s heart wrenches.

“ _Golden slumbers, fill your eyes. Smiles await you when you rise, sleep pretty darling do not cry and I will sing a lullaby._ ”

Alana wipes tears she didn’t know were coming from her cheek and starts scribbling down lyrics. She writes them until her soulmate stops and then she presses her hands to her eyes and sits on the edge of the bed and cries as quietly as possible because she doesn’t want to be asked if she’s okay right now.

When the tears finally stop, she sits down at her laptop, pulls up the song on YouTube, and loops the video.

Eight days.

But they’re alive. Alana writes down the song in the notebook she feared she would never write in again and sits at her desk and listens to it again and again.

She wonders if there was a reason her soulmate chose this song. She figures that it’s probably not that deep.

* * *

Alana forgot how much easier it was to breathe with her soulmate singing her through the day.

They ease back into it. They don’t sing as often and they don’t sing as many upbeat songs. They hum more than they sing now, but Alana doesn’t mind. They don’t go a day without humming or singing in some way.

It’s comforting.

Alana isn’t sure if they’re singing so consistently because they’re trying to let her know they’re there or if they’re singing for themself or both, but she finds she doesn’t care. At the moment, she doesn’t need all the answers.

 

* * *

Her soulmate sings for part of her calculus test. It’s the same rhythm over and over again, and by the end of it, Alana has finished six problems and has the musical phrase memorized.

She’s known for a while her soulmate must be some sort of musician, but it’s still sometimes odd to get these snippets of rehearsals that she’s never attended.

Maybe she will one day. She’d like it to be with her soulmate, but maybe she’ll pick up an instrument.

Not that she exactly has time.

* * *

 

She’s surprised when she hears Connor Murphy humming to himself one day in English. They’re paired together to edit essays, and he’s tapping on the desk with a pencil and humming under his breath as he reads hers.

His essay is on her desk and carefully covered with notes and edits. Hers is on his and is covered with scratch marks and arrows and spots where things are crossed out. Some of those things are Alana’s words, some are his. Like he hadn’t thought his comment all the way through before he started and then couldn’t commit to erasing it.

She likes Connor. In the weird abstract way that she likes most people. They know each other as well as two people who have been paired together for a group project or two and share a few classes can, but they aren’t friends. Acquaintances, maybe.

He seems to be good at writing essays, which is frankly all that matters to Alana at the moment.

“I know that song,” she says suddenly.

Connor stops humming. “What?”

“The song you’re singing,” she says shortly. “My— A friend introduced me to it. It’s very nice.”

Connor raises an eyebrow. “Cool,” he says after a moment. They don’t do this. Talk. At least not about things other than class. “My sister likes the band.”

Alana nods. “They’re unique. Pleasant to listen to.”

Connor taps his pencil again. “I just listen to them when Zo’s not driving. Passenger gets music privs. They aren’t bad.”

Alana glances to her essay. That may be the most personal thing she’s ever gotten out of Connor Murphy. She’d ask something else, but she doesn’t want to press. She’s always been known for being too much. Asking too much, doing too much, talking too much. From her experience and what she’s heard, Connor doesn’t do well with ‘too much’.

“No, I don’t think they are.”

When she goes home, she listens to the song again and finds herself singing it back to her soulmate.

* * *

 

Alana has an armful of student council posters, a roll of masking tape on her wrist like a bracelet, and her soulmate singing gently in her head. Her soulmate started singing not long after school ended and has been a calming presence as Alana promptly lost her shit trying to pull everything the council needed for the posters together.

She despises the student council. She’s starting to doubt the worth of it— she has a enough on her college applications as is, but she’s committed now and if she left, if the president was even allowed to leave, it would all fall to pieces.

It would be nice if someone else offered to hang posters with her. But this is fine too.

Alana focuses on the song in her head as she puts up a poster in the stairwell by the music wing. She’s almost halfway through the school. If she’s lucky, these posters will stay up for the rest of the week.

She smiles to herself as she recognizes the song. It’s been years since she listened to the Jonas Brothers but her soulmate has a habit of jumping through decades of music on a whim.

“ _Now I’m speechless, over the edge I’m just breathless, I never thought that I’d catch this love bug again_.”

Alana wanders further into the music wing, taping a poster next to the band room door and another on a wall by the chorus room.

The wing is mostly empty, aside from someone in a practice room playing the guitar and singing—

Alana’s breath catches in her throat as she realizes that the person singing in the practice room is doubling her soulmate.

She’s hearing double.

It’s the weirdest sensation, having the song in her head and in her ears.

She holds the posters close to her chest and walks up to the practice room that has the lights on and the door open a crack. She glances in the window in the door.

“ _Kissed her for the first time yesterday, everything I wished that it would be_ —“

Alana’s heart stops as Zoe Murphy makes eye contact with her. Zoe grins at her and keeps singing.

“ _Suddenly I forgot how to speak. Hopeless, breathless, baby can’t you see?_ ”

Evan Hansen is sitting across from her, watching intently. He perked up when Zoe smiled, but didn’t look back at Alana.

Platonic. It’s just platonic.

Alana knows about platonic soulmates. In fact, she knows everything about soulmates that she can. She’s done extensive research and can give anyone information and statistics at the drop of a hat if needed. She knows that soulmates don’t have to mean anything if you don’t want them to. She knows some people don’t have a soulmate. She knows that some soulmates are romantic and some are platonic and some are nothing. And she knows it’s all okay no matter what.

But watching Zoe sing Evan a love song makes Alana feel like her heart is being strangled. She swallows down her emotions as Zoe finishes the song and waves her into the practice room.

“Hey,” Zoe says with a smile that makes Alana’s insides melt a bit. “Did you need something?”

Evan gives her an awkward wave.

Alana shakes her head. “I was just looking for someone,” she lies, “and I thought they might be in here. You sound very nice.”

Zoe tucks her hair behind her ear. “Thanks.”

Alana gestures to the door with the stack of posters. “I should go, I have to finish putting these up. Your voice is lovely, by the way. Remember to participate in spirit week!” She hurries out before Zoe or Evan can say anything and gets halfway down the hallway before she sags against the wall and presses the posters to her face.

She’s in so much trouble.

 

* * *

Alana’s soulmate — Zoe, her soulmate is Zoe — is singing again.

It’s been two days since Alana figured it out and she isn’t exactly sure how to bring it up. She doesn’t see Zoe often, they don’t move in the same circles and Zoe is a year below her and she’s certainly not going to ask Connor.

It would be strange to ask about Zoe, Alana thinks. The most personal they’ve gotten is when she asked what kind of nail polish he uses because Theo had been into painting her nails, both of their nails, and was demanding more colors.

Connor gave her a weird look, but handed her a sticky note with a few brands and stores scribbled on it the next day.

Zoe is singing and the song is a little sad and Alana has to stop working to just listen.

“ _My bones are shifting in my skin and you my love are gone_.”

Alana closes her eyes and lets Zoe’s voice wash over her. She’s okay with platonic, she’s decided. She doesn’t know too much about Zoe — she knows her music tastes and that she plays in band and jazz band and that her and Connor sometimes fight in the hallway and she has a smile that makes Alana’s heart skip a beat — but she would like to. Alana would like to know more about Zoe.

“ _Then I will take, then I will take the chain from off the door_ .” 

* * *

 

Evan is standing by the front doors, looking at his phone. There’s no one else around, much of the student body fled the premises as soon as the last bell rang, and he just appears to be waiting.

Alana squeezes the straps of her backpack in her hands and walks over to him. “Hi, Evan.”

He looks up. “O-oh, hi?”

“How are you?”

“I’m…okay? How are you?”

Alana rocks back on her heels. “I’m alright. Busy. Student council has to plan the assembly for next week and I’m falling behind on my volunteer hours at the library but I’ll pick those up again over the weekend.” Evan blinks. “How long have you and Zoe been together? She sounded very nice when she was singing the other day, I don’t think I’ve heard her sing before. She should sing at one of the concerts, I hear for the jazz band they might do some accompaniment for vocals at the next concert.”

“Been…with Zoe?” Evan asks slowly.  

Alana nods. “Yes. How long have you been dating?”

Evan’s eyes go wide. “W-we’re _what?!_ ”

Alana shifts uncomfortably. “Together, aren’t you together?”

He turns red. “No? I-I’m—” He shakes his head. “We were waiting? Um, Connor had to talk to a teacher and someone left a guitar out in a practice room and Zoe saw it and started talking about how badly people treat school instruments, which they do? It’s like really bad and the music department already gets like no funding so it’s really stressful I think, and anyway, I, uh, I asked if she could play? Because, you know, she plays an electric guitar for jazz band and I don’t know anything about music so I wasn’t sure and she was like ‘oh I could show you’ and then she was showing me different songs and you showed up and…yeah…” Evan trails off and pulls at the strings of his sweatshirt.

Alana thinks that’s the most she’s ever heard Evan Hansen say. Maybe it’s the most she’s ever let him say.

“Oh,” she says shortly.

The silence is awkward and gaping. She doesn’t really know what to do now. If Zoe and Evan aren’t— Zoe could still be a platonic soulmate. Her current relationship status doesn’t affect that.

“Do you…” Evan starts so softly that Alana almost misses it.

Alana inhales sharply. “I have to go talk to the principal about the assembly, I’ll see you later, Evan, bye.” She spins on her heel and hurries away. And doesn’t think about it for the rest of the day.

Or, she tries not to.

Zoe starts singing an old pop song when Alana is cleaning up after dinner and Alana has to take a minute to breathe and calm her heartbeat.

* * *

Alana is sitting in the library going through papers for NHS. She offered to sort through them after the meeting, and the secretary had gladly dumped them on her. She’s almost done, incredibly bored, and not looking forward to the walk from the school to her car. It’s been raining non stop all afternoon and her umbrella is on the floor of her car.

“ _She knows this feeling all too well_ —”

Alana sits up with a start.

Zoe sings this song a lot, it’s a cute song and now Alana knows all the lyrics.

Alana glances down at the papers in front of her. She’s practically done. Is there any chance at all that Zoe’s still in the building? School has been out for almost twenty minutes, but there’s a rehearsal for the musical today and Zoe’s playing in pit. Alana knows because she’s helping out with stage crew. They asked a few of the musicians to come in today to work on a few songs.

Alana shoves the rest of the papers in a pile and stands. She can come back. She’ll check and come back.

“ _That girl just there, yes she’s the one_ ,” Zoe sings as Alana hurries down the stairs as fast as she can without tripping.

Alana swings around a corner, dodging a few athletes who are standing in the middle of the hallway talking.

“ _Did you just whisper in her ear? Words she only dreamed to hear?_ ”

Practice room C has its lights on. They’re supposed to be soundproof, but whoever put up the soundproofing material put it on the wrong way, so it doesn’t exactly work.

Alana skids to a halt. She’s hearing double again, Zoe in her ears and Zoe in her mind.

“ _Pretty lady, look at how he’s smiling! I think he likes you!_ ”

Alana takes a deep breath. She did not think this through at all. It’s all impulse and Alana doesn’t like to think of herself as impulsive.

“ _But it's too late, you believe in fate. You're absolutely smitten, you'll never let her go._ ”

Alana closes her eyes. Well, if she’s going to be impulsive, she should _be_ impulsive, shouldn’t she?

She breathes through the instrumental break.

“ _But it’s too late,_ ” Alana whisper sings with Zoe. “ _I believe in fate_.”

Zoe stops singing suddenly. Alana wonders if she can hear her through the walls and stands a little taller. She sings a little louder.

“ _I’m absolutely smitten, I’ll never let you go_.”

She hears Zoe moving and takes a deep breath, trying to remember where the last two lines are. “ _I’ll never let you go_ ,” Alana sings, poorly and off key. The door swings open. Zoe stares at her. “ _I’ll never let you go,_ ” Alana finishes softly. She thinks she should probably say something. Her mouth has gone dry.

“You,” Zoe says. “You’re…”

Alana nods.

Zoe smiles and Alana feels a weight lift off her shoulders and the world right itself. She didn’t know it was off kilter.

“Can I kiss you?” Zoe asks.

Alana blinks. “Kiss— me?”

Zoe tugs on a strand of her hair that’s fallen over her shoulder. “Yeah, I mean, we don’t have to, we can just be platonic if you want but—”

“Yes,” Alana interrupts. “You can kiss me.”

Zoe lights up and grabs Alana’s hands and pulls her closer. She kisses Alana and her lips are soft and she tastes like strawberries.

Zoe kisses Alana and Alana thinks she hears music in her mind.

“Hi, soulmate,” Zoe says when she pulls away, smiling and blushing and everything Alana has always wanted. She’s not singing, but it feels like she is.

Alana feels breathless as she returns the smile. “Hi, soulmate.”

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh shoutout to [sarah](http://sunlitshowers.tumblr.com) for drawing art for this!!! <3 <3 if you couldnt see it, [click here to open it on tumblr"](https://zoemurph.tumblr.com/private/175730248888/tumblr_pbmprhVFKs1wu8388) (private post and not rebloggable) 
> 
> when i finished this i realized i wanted more zoe in this but i didnt want to make it any longer, so i left it as is. but ive got another soulmate au thats All Zoe, so if that gets finished, youve got that to look forward to! bug me on [tumblr](http://zoemurph.tumblr.com)  
> -tightrope by walk the moon  
> -dead hearts by stars  
> -golden slumbers by the beatles (BUT i was listening to the dodie clark version tbh)  
> -love bug by the jonas brothers (100% the reason i wrote this fic)  
> -the chain by ingrid michaelson  
> -absolutely smitten by dodie clark


End file.
